Everything in my house is practically new because not long ago everything was old and it all quit working at the same time.
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Halloween isn’t my favorite holiday, partly because it doesn’t involve a day off.
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If I can just get my hands on that pocketknife/golf tee/watering can, my life will be complete.
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Spuddle, a verb meaning to work ineffectively; to be extremely busy whilst achieving absolutely nothing.
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If you like my blog—and even if you don’t….
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I never want to meet an uninspired brain surgeon.
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I have a little daydream where hackers suddenly need passwords and usernames to get into their bathrooms.
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I used to spend a lot of time on the ice, some of it upright.
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I believe the pet expert who said 97% of pet owners talk to their pets and the other three percent are liars.
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I don't mean to brag, but I type really fast—way faster than I text. Faster than I think, too, which can be dangerous.
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I think I could be a pretty good criminal because I watch a lot of mystery shows on television.
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When I was growing up, my parents told me to eat my vegetables, and I did—right out of my neighbor’s garden.
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“Spring ahead” makes it sound a lot more fun than it is.
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If your area is suffering from drought, just hire me to come pitch a tent on your property.
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A fitness tracker, doesn’t know the difference between a walk you take because you’re highly motivated to get some exercise and one you take because you’re highly motivated to find your car keys.
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If there were an award for bad timing, I’d nominate me.
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More than 17 million Americans suffer from friggatriskaidekaphobia though they seldom admit it, mainly because they can’t pronounce it.
If surveys were dollar bills, I could afford health insurance.
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