Are you tired of surveys? 1) Yes 2) No 3) Maybe
/This may come as a surprise to you, but a lot of people care about my opinion and some of them are even willing to pay for it, or at least give me a coupon for it. Lucky for them I always have an opinion—plus I’m almost always right.
That must be why, in the last few weeks alone, I’ve been surveyed by two clothing stores, a hotel, an office supply store, three restaurants, a bank, a pet store, a political group and the flashlight app on my cell phone.
Clearly I’m a much sought-after thought leader. Maybe you are too. That’s why I’m inviting you to fill out the following survey:
The Survey about Surveys
1. How many surveys have you been invited to fill out in the last month?
□ None. Nobody cares what I think.
□ Just a few, but I was (circle all that apply) out of the country/under quarantine/in a
coma.
□ If surveys were dollar bills, I could afford health insurance.
2. How many surveys have you actually completed in the last month?
□ None. I told you; nobody cares what I think.
□ Just a few. I only fill out surveys from (circle all that apply) organizations I love/
organizations I work for/organizations I’m mad at but afraid to say what I think to
their face.
□ I’ve lost count but it must be a lot because I have a stack of coupons the size of a
garden shed.
3. When you fill out a survey, how do you feel about sharing your contact information?
□ I share my name and contact information in case I can be of further assistance. (Also
so they know where to send my cash prize when I win it.)
□ I prefer to remain anonymous because I’m afraid (circle one) they won’t
like what I have to say/they’ll like what I have to say so much they’ll add me to their
email list.
4. When you answer a survey, what is your motivation?
□ Impact. I love that I can help change the world by sharing my deepest thoughts with
people who really listen.
□ Financial. Coupons and the possibility of winning cash are part of my retirement
strategy.
□ Guilt. They need me. If I don’t answer the survey and they go out of business, it will
be my fault.
□ What motivation? If I were motivated I’d be doing my dishes instead of filling out
this survey.
5. What is the best incentive you’ve ever received for answering a survey?
□ The satisfaction of knowing I’ve helped an organization improve their customer
service.
□ $5000!
□ A coupon for free French fries.
6. How do you prefer to be surveyed?
□ By mail so that I can do the survey at my leisure…or never.
□ By email so that I can do the survey at my leisure…or never
□ By phone so that I can take a break from dinner with my family to answer it.
7. In your opinion, are surveys effective?
□ Yes.
□ No.
□ Effective at what?
8. What is your overall satisfaction level with surveys?
□ I love them! I just quit my day job so I can fill out surveys full-time.
□ I can take them or leave them. Mostly I leave them.
□ Make it stop. Please make it stop.
