I like to say I got a perfect grade on my paperwork. I know that’s not what blood bank folks mean by A+ but I still like to say it.
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I just had a milestone birthday. I won’t say which one but I’ll give you a hint: It wasn’t my tenth.
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Do you ever imagine in exquisite detail how your life would be different if you lived somewhere else or had a different (circle all that apply) job/house/car/spouse/family/waist circumference?
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I’ve been wondering lately if I might be a wimp. I’m not asking for your opinion, so don’t write and share it with me.
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I don’t hold out much hope for humanity anymore, not since I read that the average person will spend more than six years of their life on social media.
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What does it say that no one ever posts pictures of themselves sitting in front of their computer looking at Facebook?
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Darling, Love is a mystery! And so is the reason you put empty cereal boxes back in the cupboard.
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As usual, our heroine made only wise decisions, and no one bothered her all day long.
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When I checked the turkey it was as cold as my darling’s heart.
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A lot of us work from home these days, so I think it’s about time to discuss why we’re not getting anything done.
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I still have my watch.. It sits on my wrist like a vestigial organ, though it’s prettier than an appendix.
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I grew up thinking that men invented football just to get out of doing dishes.
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The best thing I can say about this year is that there was plenty of time to clean all my closets. I didn’t, but I had time to.
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I have to eat every four or five hours if the people I love are going to continue loving me back.
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People who go through haunted houses without jumping obviously have sluggish reflexes and probably shouldn’t operate motorized vehicles.
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Why do you think God made wind? To blow your leaves into your neighbor’s yard, that’s why.
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It doesn’t seem right to replace a reliable refrigerator just because it occasionally flings a jar of mustard across the room. Nobody’s perfect.
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The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally is the granddaddy of all bike gatherings. (I know it’s sexist, but calling it the “grandmother” of all bike gatherings might get you killed.)
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If your area is suffering from drought, just hire me to come pitch a tent on your property.
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A fitness tracker, doesn’t know the difference between a walk you take because you’re highly motivated to get some exercise and one you take because you’re highly motivated to find your car keys.
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