I didn’t report the car because I thought someone was getting away with a parking violation; I reported it because I thought someone was getting away with murder.
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I once ordered antivirus software from a particular company. As it turned out, it would have been easier and more pleasant to have a virus.
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I was planning to write an insightful and informative post on the subject of gasbags, being well-acquainted with many and having been called one myself on more than one occasion. But once again, being insightful and informative proved to be too much for me.
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There’s a race to the bottom on Facebook and, while I normally don’t do well in races, I could win this one if I choose to participate.
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Fifty years ago, astronauts traveled to the moon, changing America forever and inspiring one of the most often-quoted sentences ever spoken: If they can put a man on the moon, why can’t they cure the common cold?
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My friend “Martha” tells me she wants to lose 20 pounds and get a really nice tan—by Friday. It’s Wednesday.
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I’m always intrigued by headlines that promise to address life’s big issues, for example, “Why you can’t tickle yourself,” “Why do we have eyebrows” and “How to stop wasting time.”
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Time management experts advise us to break big jobs it into small tasks. In other words, if you don't have time to read the whole book, read the last page. If you don't have time to wash all the dishes, wash a bowl and a spoon for your ice cream. (Or eat out of the carton.)
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I don’t know how you find a needle in a haystack, but I do know how you find one in a carpet. You walk around in stockinged feet for a while; that’s how.
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Facebook brings to mind that old adage, “There are no strangers here, only friends you have not met yet.”Facebook brings to mind that old adage, “There are no strangers here, only friends you have not met yet.”
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There are food words that go together—roast and beef, scrambled and eggs. But gelatinous and fish aren’t two of them.
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I’m inspired on this Valentine’s Day to consider the many ways technology has made romance more efficient, if not more romantic.
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Feeling a little let down after a busy holiday season? Cheer up. You still have Lumpy Rug Day to look forward to.
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I’m a nice person—mostly. Ask anyone who knows me. Except my family. Don’t ask them.
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Ah, the holiday season; a joyous time for families to come together, create new traditions, and fight about the old ones.
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There’s a turkey the size of Plymouth Rock thawing in my refrigerator when I stumble across the following startling statistic on the internet.
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The sky is blue, the air is fresh, and the colors are changing. The year is drawing to a close, and there is ample time to reflect—while you rake
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Elections bring out the worst in people, like storms bring out earthworms and manure piles bring out flies.
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I admire those guys on that TV commercial who dance around in outfits as pink as plastic flamingos and sing about digestive disorders. That really takes…uh…guts.
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