The Rise and Fall of Pantyhose

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I recently came across an essay written by a man, who was nostalgic about pantyhose. No, he didn’t miss wearing them himself. He missed seeing them on the legs of the ladies in his life. He asked some women he knew why they were denying him and other men this pleasure, and he got a lot of reasons, including cost, comfort, changing fashion and that odd swishing sound they make when you walk in them.

More interesting than his whine about the decline of pantyhose were the many passionate responses to it. Several men even criticized women for being slovenly and women responded that if men thought pantyhose were so great, they should just go ahead and wear them themselves.

Who knew people could get so worked up about nylons? I haven’t given them a thought in years. I seldom wear dresses anymore because as I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten chillier. Sometimes it’s June before I give up my long johns and those look plain goofy with a skirt.

Of course, there was a time I wore dresses almost daily and pantyhose with them. And as I recall, they do have some advantages, the main one being they keep your bare legs from sticking to your car seat on hot days.

But I’m naturally curious—and always looking for ways to put off doing actual work—so I went to the great fashion consultant in the sky, the internet, to investigate the rise and fall of pantyhose. I was shocked by what I learned. It seems stocking sales have been slipping like a pair of nylons with a worn-out waistband since the 90s, and it took a man pointing it out for me to even notice.

There was a time nylon stockings were all the rage. Apparently, they made their big debut in a flashy display at the 1939 World’s Fair in New York, and women fell for them. When they went on sale the following year, stockings sold like toilet paper during a pandemic.

Unfortunately, shortly after that, nylon went to war—World War II that is, where it was used to make parachutes, tents, flak jackets, mosquito netting and other equally fashionable items. Legend has it that when the war ended, women even rioted to get the first post-war hosiery shipment. I just can’t see me doing that. The closest I’ve come to rioting for stockings was throwing a shoe across the room after I ran a new pair.

I read that 60 women in Tulsa, Oklahoma, were asked what they missed most during the war. Twenty said men and forty said nylon stockings. Unbelievable! If I had to choose between my husband and pantyhose, I’d choose my husband on most days.

I’d choose him every day over the stockings women wore in those days: the thigh-high kind held up by a garter belt contraption. If I had to wear one of those, it would take me 20 minutes longer to get dressed every day.

In 1959, pantyhose came along and women replaced one annoying gizmo with another: the elastic waistband. It’s no wonder that by the 90s, women were beginning to go au natural.

There are probably as many reasons for sagging pantyhose sales as there are for sagging pantyhose. But I suspect they’re just too fussy for some busy modern women. If you don’t put them on right, you risk poking a hole right through them. Then you’ll throw your shoes too.

Twist them as you’re putting them on and you’ll cut off your circulation for the rest of the day. There are actually YouTube videos demonstrating the proper technique for putting on nylons. Like I said, too fussy. No one needs a YouTube video to help them put on their pants.

Nylons are expensive too, and you have to replace them often. Or at least I did. For me, nylons were literally disposable clothing. Imagine if you had to replace your socks every few times you wore them.

Worst of all, they’re uncomfortable. Stocking manufacturers use phrases like sheer energy and all-day massage. But anytime you add an elastic waist band, you’re asking for misery. If a man wants to understand what his wife endures when she wears pantyhose, he could try wearing his watch around his middle all day.

Still women continue to buy pantyhose, just not as often as we once did. And pantyhose companies have tried desperately to win us back by offering miracle stockings that do everything from smooth cellulite to resist runs to flatten our tummies. We can even have our nylons laced with aloe vera to moisturize our legs all day long—though we may slide out of our chair.

Despite these efforts, stocking sales have definitely hit a snag. They did have a good run though.

Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.