Don’t Knit While You Drive and Other Rules of the Road
My friend was visiting a small city when she found herself waiting to turn left at a busy intersection without the benefit of a traffic light. Time passed. The driver behind her grew restless and decided to help by nudging her car with his truck’s bumper. How thoughtful.
As you can imagine this helped immensely. Not really. Now instead of looking forward watching for a break in traffic, my friend was watching her rear-view mirror. More time passed.
I don’t remember how the story ended but I do know it ended since at the time of this writing my friend is not still sitting at that intersection. I also know she now plans all of her trips to avoid left turns.
Obviously the other driver in this example needed drivers et. No, not driver ed as in driver education. I mean driver et as in driver etiquette. Here are some of the rules one would learn in driver et if it were a real class and I taught it.
Rule #1. Do one thing at a time. When I learned to drive, the rule was keep both hands on the wheel. These days we’re lucky if the driver coming at us has one knee guiding the wheel. Here are three pointers that should help you keep your priorities straight while you drive.
a) Yes, absolutely, it’s okay to knit or put in your contacts while you’re in a moving car, but only if you’re the passenger.
b) If you’re ever forced to choose between spilling a 44-ounce soft drink in your lap or crashing into another vehicle, by all mean spill the drink.
c) And finally, no call on your cell phone is so important that it’s worth rear-ending me for.
Rule # 2. If you’re waiting for a car to back out so that you can have their parking place, you should never wait longer than half an hour.
Rule # 3. After going through the line at the automatic teller machine, remember to pull out of the lane before putting your cash and receipt away. This is not the time to make a note of your withdrawal. And it’s definitely not the time to balance your checkbook.
Rule #4. The term defensive driving does not mean you should get defensive every time someone passes you. Before you start shooting, remind yourself the other driver did not set out that day with the express purpose of annoying you. In fact, they didn’t give you a thought. That’s why they just cut you off.
Always remember, for every dumb thing that’s been done to you in traffic, you’ve probably done at least one dumb thing yourself. And you probably did it to me.
I’m not judging. I’ve done dumb things while driving too. But let’s not talk about that now.
Rule #5. Yelling, cursing, and lewd gestures should be kept where they belong—in the home and office. The only safe drive-time communication is on your bumper sticker and some of those are even questionable.
If you must wear your heart on your bumper, choose your sticker wisely. I can’t be the only driver ever to chase after vehicles sporting particular political slogans because I just had to know what kind of moron could think that way.
And I doubt I’m the only one who’s ever been so curious to find out what a vehicle’s bumper sticker said that I pulled up right behind it only to find it said, “If you can read this, you’re too close.” Or maybe I am.
Dorothy Rosby is the author of I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better and other books. Contact her at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.