Struggling to say just the right thing to your spouse on Valentine's Day? Try one of the following clever and sentimental verses I’ve come up with. Use more than one—if you think your relationship can take it. Just clip out the verses that are most appropriate to your marriage, glue them to a piece of red construction paper, and sign your name. Your spouse is sure to treasure your simple, homemade card as much as chocolates or flowers. But to be on the safe side, you might want to give those too.
Verses for your Valentine:
Darling, Love is a mystery! And so is the reason you put empty cereal boxes back into the cupboard.
Sugar Dumpling, No that outfit doesn’t make you look fat. Nothing could make you look fat. Now don’t ask me again.
To my very fit spouse, From this Valentine's Day forward, I promise to go the extra mile in our relationship if you will just go the extra foot. That’s all it would take for you to carry your dirty dishes from the sink to the dishwasher.
My Fashionably Late Love, You look fine. The house looks fine. Now could we GO ALREADY?
Sweetheart, I’m so glad that we never let little things like whether the seat is up or down spoil our bliss. But if you forget to reload the toilet paper dispenser one more time, you can start going next door to use the bathroom.
Beloved, I promise to stop talking when you’re reading the news—if you promise to stop reading it at the dinner table.
My Fascinating Valentine, I do listen when you talk. And talk And talk.
To my big, strong husband, If anyone is tough enough to lift his dirty clothes off the floor and toss them into the hamper, it should be you.
Gorgeous, You look STUNNING in everything you wear. Why on earth would you need MORE CLOTHES?
You’re right dear—as usual.
Cuddle Bug, I promise to stop elbowing you in the ribs when you snore—if you promise to stop snoring.
Oh Baby, You're HOT! And I’m FREEZING! Touch that thermostat again and I’ll trade you in for an electric blanket.
Cool Valentine, No, I don’t think it’s chilly in here. But I do think you look lovely in wool.
Sweetie Pie! We make such a cute couple. I bet we’d look great in a duplex!
My Altruistic Valentine, I admire your generosity. I just wish you’d stop giving my stuff away.
My Sentimental Valentine, It’s so cute how you get attached to your belongings. But shouldn’t you give your old clothes to someone who can fit into them?
My Love, Of course I agree that our home should be clean. But I’d rather my vehicle be clean.
Dearest, You make me gloriously happy—some of the time.
To my favorite traveling companion, How I value your wisdom and support—except when I’m driving.
To my companion on life’s highway, Of course I think you’re a good driver. And with some coaching, you could be a GREAT driver.
My Cute Little Couch Potato, I could sit and stare at you cuddled up in front of the television all day, but one of us has to do the laundry.
Happy Valentine's Day, Honey! See I DO NOT always forget!
(Dorothy Rosby is the author of several humor books, including I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.)