Merry Christmas from the Envyofall Family
There are two things that make me feel like a boring person. Actually there are more than two, but the ones that come to mind this time of year are writing a Christmas letter and reading everyone else’s.
When I write a letter I come to the painful realization that the year has flown by again, that I’ve been terribly busy but I haven’t done a thing worth mentioning. Worse, when I read all the newsy holiday letters I receive I think the writers must have had more days since last Christmas than I had, and apparently more money, energy and ambition as well.
I don’t think I’m alone in my feelings of inadequacy either. Consider the following actual letter I made up. You’ll see in brackets what an unfortunate reader might be thinking as she reads this holiday greeting from the Envyofall family.
Merry Christmas from the Envyofalls!
We hope your year was as wonderful as ours was! [I’m pretty sure it wasn’t.] We started the year with a January vacation in Hawaii. [Now I know it wasn’t.] Since the children are both doing so well in school we decided taking them out for two weeks would be acceptable, and they enjoyed themselves thoroughly. [I’ll bet their teachers did too.]
In June Maxwell and I celebrated our twentieth anniversary with a month in Italy. [What a coincidence! My husband and I celebrated our anniversary in June too—at the Olive Garden.] You can see photos of both vacations on our family website. [You can see our vacation photos too—in my phone.]
Tad and Tillie are both doing great in school. [You mentioned that.] How blessed we are to have such clever, well-behaved children. [That’s not how I remember them.]
Tillie is a senior. She’s a computer whiz and has helped so many people with computer issues that she finally decided to start her own business. She’s also a fabulous saxophone player and already has her own band which has won countless competitions. Between the business and the band she’s earning lots of money just in time for college. But what do you know! She won a full-ride scholarship to Superior University and won’t need any of it. [She could send it to me.]
Tad is a straight-A student and president of his class. He just became an Eagle Scout and he’s fluent in Chinese, Spanish and French. He’s also active in 4-H, football, soccer, basketball, baseball, track, band, choir, debate, theatre, orchestra and dressage. [That kid never had an ounce of ambition.]
In June Maxwell was promoted to Vice President at his company. [I don’t see how. He’s never at work.] And I continue to run a successful import/export business out of our home. It’s doing so well that I’ve been able to fully fund our retirement plan and purchase a winter home in Arizona. I also volunteer around twenty hours a week for the less fortunate. [I’m less fortunate and you didn’t do a thing for me.]
And last but not least, Snookums won Best of Show at the Kennel Club Dog Show. We love him dearly and are so proud of him! [Spotty peed on the carpet and bit my mother-in-law. We still love him…most days.]
Happy holidays to you and yours! We think of you often and hope to see you soon. [We think of you often too and desperately hope that when we see you next we’ll have something to show for ourselves.]
Sincerely,
The Envyofalls
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