Memory Tips from What’s Her Name

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Before you start blaming your memory problems on age, let me remind you, you forgot plenty when you were younger too. I’ve researched the subject extensively—I read a couple of articles while I was waiting in a doctor’s office one day—and it turns out that sometimes forgetfulness is less a matter of age and more a result of not paying attention. Of course, if you’re old and don’t pay attention, you’re really in trouble. As a public service, I will now discuss some common non-age-related memory problems and what can be done about them:

Interrupted sequence: You might know it by its scientific term: scatter brained. Let’s say I’ve decided to straighten my living room—not that I did. This is purely for demonstration purposes. I pick up all the newspapers stacked on the coach and take them to my recycling bag. It’s full so I haul it to the car. That’s when I notice that someone has spilled popcorn in the garage. I wander through the house looking for the broom, which I don’t find. But while I’m in the basement, I do see a dirty cereal bowl, which I take to the kitchen. There’s a stack of dirty dishes, so I start to load the dishwasher. I remember I’m almost out of dishwasher detergent, so I start a grocery list. The phone rings and I go searching for it. I find it under the bed. I pick it up and my sister says, “What are you doing?” And I say, “I have no idea.”

Mort Herold, the very optimistic author of You Can Have a Near-Perfect Memory, advises us to finish sequences whenever possible. In other words you should finish cleaning my living room before you start sweeping my garage. (Carry your own dishes to the kitchen too.)

If it’s not possible to finish a sequence, grab something that will remind you of where you were in the process. Say someone comes to your door while you’re making dinner. You could burn the house down if you don’t get back to the stove right away, then you’d have to go out to eat. So grab something, say a carving knife, and hold it until you’re finished talking with your visitor. The knife in your hand serves as a reminder that you need to get back to the kitchen. It also assures that your guest will never bother you at dinner time again. Quite possibly no other time either.

Tip-of-the-Tongue Phenomenon: I had the song, “Wonderful Tonight,” stuck in my head. (I won’t sing it for you because I like you too much—some of you anyway.) It’s one of my favorite songs, but hard as I tried, I could not remember the artist’s name.

Psychologist David Brooks says our memory’s filing system is to blame for tip-of-the-tongue phenomenon. I was looking in the file under aging rock stars, which as you know, is a fairly large file. Brooks says it’s best to stop trying so hard and relax. This makes your mind more receptive to other cues that could lead you to different files. That’s why you sit up in the middle of the night and yell, “Muenster cheese,” which can be upsetting to your spouse.

Being the impatient sort, I didn’t wait for cues. I Googled it, which was lucky. If I’d sat up in the middle of the night and yelled, “Eric Clapton” that may have been upsetting to my spouse too.

Forgetting where you put things: What’s-his-name, Mort Herold, says it’s logical to forget where we put things because putting something down is a gesture of release. It’s like saying, “I’m done with you.” He suggests you tell the object something else, maybe, “Stay cellphone stay!” My cellphone doesn’t listen very well but see how yours does.

Another option is to make it a habit to put your keys or your reading glasses in the same place every time. But—and this is important—you have to remember where that place is.

Forgetting names: In his book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie said that when you meet someone new, you should use the person’s name often in your conversation. “Nice to meet you Bill. Where did you say you work Bill? How long have you been with the company Bill. Meanwhile, stare at Bill until you begin to associate his name with his appearance—or until he says, “I’m not Bill.

You can also connect the name to others you know who have the same name. Sometimes when people meet me, they think of that other Dorothy—and her little dog too. If it means they’ll never call me Debbie or Doris, I’m all for it.

Try these tricks and you may find that your memory problems have more to do with paying attention than they do with getting old. Not that you aren’t getting old.

Excerpt from I Used to Think I Was Not That Bad and Then I Got to Know Me Better by Dorothy Rosby. t