I Scream, You Scream, We All Scream for Politics

I still remember the first time I voted in a presidential election. I was young, naïve and under the impression that we lived in a free country where everyone got to vote for whomever we wanted. So when an acquaintance asked me who I’d cast my ballot for, I told her. You’d have thought I blew up the voting booth. I don’t remember her exact words, but I do remember that she called me a nitwit. Then she questioned my intelligence and lectured me about my poor judgment. I was so ashamed that I promised to ask her for advice before I voted the next time. Not really.

She apologized later, but it was too late. I’d already decided that politics is too dangerous to discuss. And if anythin g, it’s worse now. I think these days I’d be lucky to get off just being called a nitwit.

I’m no longer young, but I might still be naïve because I hold out hope that someday we’ll be able to talk politics without name calling or fist fighting. I want to do my part so I Googled “civil discourse.” And after some research, I came up with a plan for the next time someone asks me who I voted for and doesn’t like my answer.

I was ready—I thought. Then another driver gave me a quick universal gesture because of my bumper sticker. I know what you’re thinking. How do I know it wasn’t my driving they were gesturing about? Whatever. I’ll still be avoiding discussing politics for a while. But you’re welcome to try my six guidelines.

To be fair, I’ll illustrate them using a less controversial topic, color preference, specifically red and blue. I’m kidding! Actually, I’ll use ice cream because some people prefer chocolate and some people prefer vanilla but they never come to blows over which is better. I’m not going to tell you which I like best because I don’t want to show bias. Also, because if given the choice, I’d take a scoop of each.

Guidelines for Talking about Ice Cream with a Nitwit

1) First I’ll never call anyone a nitwit. At least not to their face. I will be respectful to everyone I meet even if I don’t cone-done their ice cream choice. Sorry.

2) I’ll try to find common ground. Meat lovers and vegetarians both eat lunch. Viking fans and Bronco fans would both rather watch football than croquet. And chocolate and vanilla lovers agree that ice cream is what makes life worth living.

3) I won’t try to change anyone’s mind. It never works and it only annoys them. An acquaintance once asked me which ice cream I planned to vote for in November. Having learned my lesson all those years ago, I mumbled my choice and prepared to run if necessary. She said patronizingly, “Let me educate you.” I’m not making that up. Being open-minded, I smiled and said, “I’d love that. Let’s go out for ice cream and talk. I’ll buy.” I am making that up.

4) I’ll try to understand their point of view. I’ll listen to them without judgment and if I need to, I’ll ask polite, clarifying questions like, “What life experiences led you to favor that kind of ice cream?” or “You’re kidding, right?”

 5) I’ll try to change the subject gracefully if the conversation gets heated which could happen after my polite, clarifying questions. I’ll say something clever like, “Nice weather we’re having.” Or “Are those horns coming out of your head?”

6) And finally, I’ll remember that a difference in ice cream preference doesn’t make anyone a bad person. They may have poor judgment when it comes to frozen dessert. They may be misguided, misinformed and a few scoops short of a full gallon. But they’re not bad people.

Dorothy Rosby is an author and humor columnist whose work appears regularly in publications in the West and Midwest. You can subscribe to her blog at www.dorothyrosby.com or contact at www.dorothyrosby.com/contact.