Seeking Self-Knowledge on Facebook

A woman I know shared a personality quiz with me and all her other Facebook friends. My friend—I’ll call her Dee for delusional—was pretty proud of her results and I can’t say I blame her. Among many other fine qualities, they said she’s a “loyal friend whose only weakness is that she cares too much.” I’ve known Dee for a long time, and I can assure you that caring too much is not her only weakness.

It’s easy to see how the creators of the quiz may have gotten it wrong though. They base their assessment of anyone taking it entirely on which shirt the person prefers: a tank top, a sleeveless top with a collar, a V-neck T-shirt or a top with spaghetti straps. I didn’t take the test because I generally prefer long sleeves, and that wasn’t one of the choices. I think what it says about me though, is that I’m a loyal friend that tends to be on the chilly side.

Dee and other friends regularly share personality and IQ quizzes with me on Facebook. I recently got one with the headline, Can You Spell As Well As a Fifth Grader? I skipped it because I didn’t want to know that.

I skipped another one that promised to tell me what my housekeeping habits say about me because I already know that. And it’s not that I care too much.

I also ignored a quiz claiming it would reveal my dating personality because I was worried my husband might wonder what I’m up to if he walked into my office while I was taking it.

But after seeing Dee’s results, I decided it might be fun to take a few quizzes, not because I think they’re accurate, but because I wouldn’t mind having someone say nice things about me—like that I only have one weakness.

I enthusiastically answered all five questions in the next test I got, one with the fascinating headline, “Could you survive an alien invasion?” Who hasn’t wondered about that? It wasn’t until I’d finished that I discovered the manipulative side of the quiz industry. I wasn’t allowed to see my results unless I shared the quiz. I didn’t want everyone on Facebook knowing I worry about how I’d do in an alien invasion, so I didn’t get my results. Now I’ll never know. That’s one more thing to worry about.

I didn’t have any better luck with the Breakfast Personality Quiz because the six questions were all multiple choice and there was no way to say “none of the above.” Nor was there a way to say “all of the above” in the Tell Us What You Want on Your Pizza and We’ll Tell You Whether You’re an Introvert or an Extrovert Quiz. It’s okay though. I already know I’m an introvert who’s fond of supreme pizza, even for breakfast.

Another obstacle for me was a lack of knowledge. I couldn’t finish the What Your Favorite Famous Characters Say About You Quiz because I didn’t know any of the famous characters they mentioned. And I couldn’t do the Which Character You’d Be on Outer Banks Quiz because I’ve never heard of Outer Banks.

That’s when I decided to come up with my own quiz. It has just one question: How frequently do you take quizzes when they show up on your Facebook timeline? Never, sometimes or frequently.

If you answered “never,” you’re a wise person who doesn’t spend a lot of time on Facebook. If you answered “sometimes,” you’re prone to occasional bouts of procrastination. And if you answered frequently, you have too much time on your hands and should come clean my house.