Dorothy Rosby

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Talk Louder During Cell Phone Courtesy Month

Along with being National Ice Cream Month and National Hot Dog Month, July is also National Cell Phone Courtesy Month. In honor of the occasion, I'd like to discuss cell phone etiquette, even though I'm much more knowledgeable about ice cream and hot dogs.

I do know the basics of polite cell phone use:

1. Never take pictures without asking, especially in a locker room.

2. Never text or talk on the cell phone while driving. I admit I have on rare occasions used the phone while I was driving. But text and drive? How do you even do that? I need total concentration and two hands to text. Coincidentally, that's also what I need to drive.

3. Cell phones are wonderful for keeping us connected to friends, family, and business associates--EXCEPT for the friends, family, and business associates we're actually WITH. Never carry on a lengthy cell phone conversation with one person while you're having lunch with another--especially if they're buying.

4. Similarly, don't talk on the cell phone at the same time as you're conducting other business. This is not just a matter of courtesy; it's a matter of self-protection. If you say "yes" to the deli counter person when she asks if you want mayo, you may unwittingly give your teenager permission to use the car tonight.

5. Silence your phone or set it to vibrate at times when the ring would be inappropriate. I should warn you though: A vibrating phone is a dancing phone, and I happen to know it can dance right off the banister and down the stairs. Also, there are times when even a vibrating phone isn't appropriate. For example, that little buzzing sound in the middle of a wedding sounds like a bee in the church, and those are distracting.

Besides that, I can think of at least three times when a good, loud ring would have prevented embarrassment--mainly mine. Thanks to cell phones, we can no longer assume that, just because the person next to us is speaking, she's speaking TO US. I heard a woman in the checkout line behind me say, “Well, hello!” with such enthusiasm that I thought she must be someone who likes me A LOT. When I spun around and said “Hi there!” with equal enthusiasm, I saw she was on the phone and, at that moment, she didn't look like she liked me AT ALL.

A man at the grocery store looked right at me and asked "Do we need cereal?" I wasn't sure it was any of his business, but I said, "I've got plenty." That's when I noticed he was using an ear piece. Oh.

And when the woman behind door number 3 in the restroom spoke, I, being the polite person I am, said, "I'm sorry. What did you say?" She replied with obvious annoyance, "I wasn't talking to YOU!" Out of spite, I muttered under my breath, "That person you're talking to is going to feel really good about your relationship when you flush!"

There is one area where I must respectfully disagree with etiquette experts. They say you should avoid using your cell phone in enclosed spaces, keep ten feet between you and others, and keep your voice down--unless you've got something REALLY interesting to say. I added that part, because honestly I'm not bothered at all when I overhear other people talk on their cell phones--except when I'm napping, which I seldom am in public places. What really burns me is that I can only hear one side of the conversation! That leaves the other half of the story up to my imagination, and I don't think anyone really wants that.

(For permission to use this column, or to subscribe, contact drosby@rushmore.com.)

Previous columns . . .

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Reptiles Unite!

My son calls me a reptile. It's an affectionate term. Sort of. It's not a reptile's scaly skin that reminds him of me--though my skin can be kind of scaly sometimes. It's not the way reptiles lie on a rock in the hot sun all day either. I prefer the couch. No, it's the fact that reptiles are "cold blooded" or as scientists call it, poikilothermic, which I think sounds more glamorous. Read more. . .

Making the News More than Once in Your Life

My college journalism professor said on more than one occasion, "Get the obituary right. It's probably the only time they've been in the newspaper." It's obvious my professor had never lived in a small town. If he had, he would have known that you don't have to die to get into the newspaper--though the story may be longer if you do. Read more . . .

The Things we Keep

Do you ever worry that someday when you're long gone, your children and grandchildren will go snooping through your home, searching for heirlooms and other valuables? They'll open a closet and be knocked to the ground by all the junk you've collected over the years--a testament to your wasted life? Then they’ll realize that, just as they'd suspected, you really ere quite unstable all along, and that yes, they should go ahead and contest your will. You DON'T worry about that? I do. Read more. . .

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The worst thing about getting a speeding ticket--besides paying it--is watching your fellow motorists speed by, GAWKING at you, while you sit there being reprimanded. This is specially awful if you get your speeding ticket right next to where you work, like I did. Twice. Read More

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I have great sympathy for politicians who embarrass themselves at elementary schools by misspelling words like tomato or potato. (Or is it potatoe?) If elementary school students ever ask me to spell a word for them, I'll tell them to look it up! Read more. . .

Google the Omnipotent

Google is the Great Reference Librarian in the sky. Google knows ALL! I love Google. I fear Google. I wonder what I did before Google. I suppose, back then, if I needed to know how crickets sing or the difference between a yam and a sweet potato, I checked the encyclopedia--or I just made it up. Now I go online where, for all I know, someone else made it up. Read more . . .

Woman, Thy Name is Vanity

Men spend an average of 30 minutes a day on grooming; women spend an average of 45 minutes. Men shower, shave, and brush their teeth. Women shower, shave their legs, put on make-up, fix their hair, do their nails, and pluck their eyebrows. Well, some women pluck their eyebrows. And I know plenty of men who should. Read more. . .

Finish What You Start
Today we are going to tackle the most important rule of home organization: FINISH WHAT YOU START. I know something about FINISHING—or rather I know something about NOT FINISHING what I start. Let me give you an example. Overcome by a rare burst of energy, I ecide to clean my closet. (Realize this is simply a dramatization. I did not have a burst of nergy, nor did I clean my closet recently.) Read More

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